This morning you awoke me at 6am telling me not to get out of bed today. You whispered in my ear and told me how rubbish I was and how there was no point in even getting up and going in that shower as nothing I could do would make me look pretty. I hate it when you do this to me. My family hate it too. You see, when you visit me on these days you don't just ruin my day you ruin those around me too. They don't understand. They tell me I'm pretty and that I'm not fat and that I look beautiful, but all I hear is your voice. Your sharp, brutal voice telling me to put my straighteners back on because I just hadn't straightened my hair quite right at one side. Telling me to change that tshirt I have on because it makes me look fat and that I should pull out all the other ones in my drawer and put them on as well so you can tell me how awful I look in all of those too.
I took a deep breath today and sat in front of my mirror by my window as I always do every morning and started my make up routine as exact as I did yesterday, however today I heard you saying my foundation was too dark, my bronzer wasn't sitting on my face right and my eyes looked dark and that mascara, well it's doing nothing for you.
2 hours later and I've relented and put my shoes on, hidden my mirror and grabbed my handbag and car keys.
You see, i could have done what I've done before and scrubbed my make up off, put my pyjamas back on and hid in my room. But I haven't. Instead I've shut off my mind, yes I can still hear you but your are becoming a whisper rather than a noise.
You have not won today.
You may win tomorrow, you may win next week. But you have NOT defeated me today.
So suck on that one anxiety! I am off to enjoy my Saturday and you, well you can go screw yourself 👍
Shout out to all you other heroes battling this horrible illness! Head up, smile on and win today!
Like and share to show that we will not be defeated by Mental Illness!!! Nat x
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