As we all seem to be facing our emotions and pasts, I have been pondering all day on what to say...because there is SO much. There isn't just 1 story. There isn't just a couple. So many times has this beautiful temple been degraded, mistreated, handled, disrespected, taunted... There are endless stories to which I have done endless healing to match and it continues. Some I attracted and allowed in due to low self-esteem, some of which were projected upon me by egoic men, some were washed away in the uncertain faded space of drugs and alcohol with no proof they ever happened, some were repetitive, some were one time things. The verbal abuse seemed like a norm for many years of my life...and the hoots and hollers still come.
I spent years upon years dealing with PTSD, nightmares, manic depression and anxiety fearing the mistreatment and abuse of another. I allowed myself to get so beaten down, I despised who I saw in the mirror and thought I was everything but beautiful. I spent about a year and a half in celibacy to clear the slate and learn to love my self...truly, to my discovery, for the first time ever. I spent about 2 years wearing less revealing clothing to hide my body to try to avoid the extra 'attention'. And I have spent the last year and a half or so doing my best to come out of that cocoon.
And so many times did I place the blame on that specific person(s) who imposed those experiences into existence. Until I realized there is a Much bigger source to this consistent behavior. And yes, the majority tends to be men, but it goes all ways. It is a form of unconscious disrespect for the self and the other. It is the 'numbing effect' placed upon us by society, corporate advertising, governments, military, our lineage and so on. It is the disconnection of the heart and complete mind control. It is a lack of self-love, self-connection, self-care, self-respect, confidence. It stems from deep childhood wounds of needing affection, needing attention, needing proper guidance on how to be a respectable human and how to think with ones heart and not their gentiles or their Ego mind.
If we get....cont in comments...